That's how far along I am with our 4th child.
We found out I was pregnant pretty early on. We were waiting and trying, but that positive pregnancy test still held the sting of fear. Not because I was worried about another child, but because I was worried we might lose another child.
For weeks I waited and prayed and kept myself busy. This time around I was truly sick, unlike my other pregnancies. I didn't want to get off the couch some days! My family ate a lot of frozen pizza, and I spent plenty of time feeling like a failure as a mom. (It's also the reason I've been MIA on the blog for a while, but there is another reason too which I'll share with you tomorrow!)
I know those types of feelings are counter productive, but when you are just trying to keep one foot in front of the other it's hard to have a positive perspective on life.
But the twelve week mark came and went, and we heard a beautiful little heartbeat. This is how we told our friend and family:
This video still cracks me up! If I'm being a little honest though it's not quite what it seems. Little Bear was already in a bad mood when I got my big idea to take a video. When I sat him in the chair with my iPad in hand, he thought surely he was going to get some screen time. The crying fit you see is his realization that the iPad was for mom, and he was stuck with a lousy, naked baby doll.
With the beginning of my second trimester I also started feeling better. My all-day-sickness eased up and the pregnancy fatigued abated, leaving me finally to start feeling like myself again. I started thinking and planning a dreaming about having a baby, throwing around name ideas and thinking about how next summer will be so much different that this one.
And then we all got sick which pretty much means the my entire house fell in on itself, and I was back to wondering how in the world I'm going to handle ANOTHER baby...
I went to my OB appointment that weekend, ready for a bit of a break. I went alone. Just a routine visit.
The Doc asked if I'd felt the baby move yet, and I said, "no, but it's still early." She replied, "Not really. Your 16 weeks now. Almost 17."
"Are you sure? I thought it was just....ummm..." I realized I actually had no idea how far along we were.
She laughed and said, "Well, don't worry. You are so busy maybe you just haven't noticed it yet."
But then she couldn't find a heartbeat. She didn't look long, but you never get over that one time there actually wasn't a heartbeat. She left the room and returned only a minute later with her hand held sonogram machine. She set it on my belly, and we took a quick peek at our newest bundle of joy.
I saw two little legs, kicking with everything they could muster.
"You have an anterior placenta. No wonder you've not felt anything. Baby is moving just fine, though."
"She's precious and feisty!" I said.
"Do we know it's a girl?"
"No, I just kind of think."
"Do you want to know?"
Those words caught me off guard. Ummm...yes! I always want to know!
She didn't have to say anything. She maneuvered her receiver just a bit, and I could see for myself.
A BOY! We're having another boy.
I called my husband on the way home. I was beyond excited. I had sworn up and down we were having another girl. We were both surprised!
And happy. I couldn't stop smiling the entire time I drove to Chick-Fil-A for my congratulatory chicken strips and caffeine free diet coke.
We were having a boy! I'll admit, it feels a little crazy. What am I gonna do with three boys? I mean, when they are little it's not a big deal, but when they are 17, 15, and 13 I think they may just eat me out of house and home!
I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there (it may involve part-time jobs or one or all of us), but for now I'll just look forward to feeling those little baby kicks.
I'm not sure being a family of six will be any harder than a family of five, but for the first time in a while I'm feeling up to the challenge. At least for today anyway!
17 weeks down. Only 23 (maybe 25) left to go!