Loving My Husband When I Don't Like Myself

I was in the process of getting ready for church. My hair was still wet from my shower. I didn't even have time to brush it out when I had to chase my 15-month-old down the hallway to save my phone from a dive in the toilet.

I carried the crying baby (now phone-less) back to the living room and started to get him ready for church.

There I found my three-year-old who kept asking me how to spell the word "rocket," and my two-year old who was running around screaming because she would rather be naked than wear the clothes SHE had picked out for church that morning.

I glanced at the clock and remembered my still dripping hair. I needed to hurry. 

I walked around the corner to my room, three children trailing behind me, and my husband greeted me with very familiar words. 

"You are beautiful." 

I smiled. He always says that. 

In fact, he says it so much I often tend to ignore him. I shrug my shoulders and go about my day, but this time something was different. Maybe it was simply the fact that his words were so out of place. I was a mess and my kids were falling apart, and yet, he could still see beauty.

I looked in the mirror and smiled to myself. Maybe he was right.   

For so long I've struggled with my definition of beauty: long legs, lean hips, flat tummy, manicured nails, flawless makeup, and voluminous, shiny hair. 

In other words, everything I'm not.

I've never been much of a girly-girl. I'm most comfortable just being me, without all the added fuss. Still there are days, weeks even, when I just can't accept the woman in the mirror. 

But today as I stood there trying to make sense of the mop on my head, I realized something: I am beautiful (although not at all glamorous!).

Don't get me wrong. There are still things about myself I'm not thrilled about. We all have those "problem areas" whatever they may be, but when we let those things define us we give them too much power over us. We let those insecurities rob us and often our husbands.

I've learned this lesson the hard way.

I can't tell you how many moments I've ruined because I was too stubborn to take a compliment. 

My husband says, "You are beautiful."

And instead of smiling and flirting with him too, I often find myself saying, "But what about _____" Fill in the blank. Pick any flaw you want. I've been through them all. 

"I love that about you."

I honestly thought he was crazy, but I'm starting to think that maybe he's the only one who really understands. 

He knows me. He knows my struggles and my joys. He knows my passions and all the things that irritate me. He knows how much I love my kids, how much I enjoy our life, and how much I like being his wife. 

He sees everything there is to see, and he thinks I'm beautiful inside AND out. 

And I bet if you ask your husband, and he'd say the same thing about you. In fact, maybe he's already told you just how amazing you are, and you just haven't been listening.

Society wants us to think that men only want women who are the model of perfection, but I think that's rarely the case. Those airbrushed magazine models may seem good for the moment, but they aren't what men really want.

A man wants intimacy, love, and respect from their wife. He wants someone to share life with. He wants a woman he can truly enjoy.

I'm sure if you polled a few fashion magazines, modeling agencies, and random guys on the street, they probably wouldn't see much value in my appearance. 

But if you ask my husband, he'll say I'm the prettiest girl he knows. And he means it. 

So instead of arguing with him and trying to convince him that I'm not perfect, I'm just going to take the compliment and enjoy the attention.

Less fighting, more kissing. Sounds like a win-win to me.