Why We Love Babywise {And You Should Stop Hating It}

Life with three little ones is challenging. To survive you definitely need a plan, which is why most days we follow a schedule.

I was introduced to the idea of feeding and sleeping schedules for newborns when I was pregnant with Cupcake. I had tried attachment parenting with Rooster, and honestly, I wasn't impressed. I felt like our day had no rhythm. I was constantly wondering if he was hungry or tired, and I just felt a little lost. It didn't help that at 10 months he was still waking up several times at night to nurse. (Go here to read more about our terrible "cry it out" adventure.)

I know God used that year to teach me. He taught me about patience and finding joy in the hard things. But still I knew I wanted to try something different the second time around. The result were fantastic! My family thrives on routine, and both Cupcake and Little Bear have been sleeping through the night between 2-3 months old. 

Having a daily routine gave me confidence as a mom, and most recently it's saved my sanity! I'm dealing with three little people that are still very much dependent on me for EVERYTHING and having a plan helps me know that I really can do this. Really.

In the past I've actually been pretty quiet about the fact that we use a "parent directed schedule" for our babies. It's actually quite a controversial topic in most parenting circles. Just try mentioning the word "Babywise" on a parenting forum and you will be cussed out and torn to shreds. Literally. 

So often people associate scheduling with rigid control and lots of crying, but that's not it at all! It's simply ordering your baby's day in a way that ensures all their needs are met during the daylight hours, so they are free to sleep and rest well at night. In fact, most recently Little Bear at 7 weeks eased into sleeping through the night beautifully. No crying involved!

Of course there are some extreme (read crazy) parents out there who take scheduling to the extreme, ignoring babies needs and bending them to fit their pre-determined plan. That's not Babywise. That's bad parenting.

The truth is whatever way you choose to parent there are some things common to all good parents.

1. Feeding a hungry baby. Little ones depend on you for food and they need the assurance that you will meet their needs when they need it. A baby should never have to wait long for food. If they are hungry, feed them! 

2. Lots of cuddling, holding, and nurturing. Babies need to be close to mom especially in those first few weeks! We also have lots of skin to skin contact, napping together, and baby wearing, even on a schedule. My favorite time of the day is when the toddlers are asleep, and I can sit and snuggle Little Bear. 

3. Providing a safe sleep environment. We all want our babies to sleep well and to sleep safe. For our family, that means swaddling, using a pacifier, and taking most naps in a bed/bassinet with a fan on. I've found that my babies sleep better when they are stationary and not being jostled about in a car seat or baby carrier.

All babies need to eat, sleep, and play (and that's about it unless you count dirty diapers and I don't like to think about that). The issue is simply how you as the mom choose to meet those needs.

I know plenty of great moms who just go with the flow and let their baby take the lead. However, I prefer having a feeding/sleeping schedule (like Babywise) because it allows me, as the parent, to set the pattern for our day AND meet all of babies needs. 

Of course, it's not a perfect system. There are still plenty of sleepless nights especially early on! Remember we are dealing with babies (not robots). They are real-live human beings with individual personalities and problems. But scheduling gives me a place to start and a plan to follow while I learn about these uniqueness of each child. I like that. 

Of course, the BIG question when dealing with infant scheduling is always, "What about crying?"

There are any number of experts out there, all with different opinions. Some say that crying will turn your baby into a sociopath, and others say let them cry for hours on end until they bend to your will!

I think the truth is probably in the middle somewhere.

It breaks a mother's heart to hear her baby cry, no matter what your parenting style! A baby's cry has a way of sending a new mom into a tail spin. We often panic and just want to run in a save the day! However, a baby's cry is the only way they have to communicate, so instead of reacting, it's much better for us to listen, assess, and respond in a way that not only stops the crying but fixes the under lying problem.

Sometimes that means feeding, sometimes cuddling, sometimes a diaper change, and sometimes putting baby in a familiar sleep environment so he can rest well. My response depends upon how and why baby is crying. I don't want to just stifle his cries. I want to meet his needs! 

Do you have a schedule for your little ones? I'd love to hear your thoughts on parenting styles and why you do what you do!