In fact, I'm frequently stop myself from saying the things I really think and feel for fear that people will judge our situation unfairly. If I confess that I am overwhelmed and lonely and tired of working constantly, I'm afraid everyone will look at our family and assume that having three kids close together really was a bad idea.
And I can't blame them for that. Sometimes I think having three kids close together was a bad idea.
It's hard to admit because in all honestly 90% of the time I absolutely love my life. Even when I feel tired, I know that this is a season and the lessons I'm learning now will make great blog posts one day. (You know if I ever have time to write...)
But those times of doubt do come, and that's when I need this reminder. Because when I see this precious little boy and one truth sticks out above the rest.
I would miss him.
We could have waited. We could have tried to space our children out more. We could have simply chosen to only have two. We could have done a lot of things.
But then he wouldn't be here. Sure we might have had another baby one day, but that baby wouldn't have been my sweet Little Bear. I would never have known the joy of that sweet grin or those soft baby hands. This child is uniquely created by God for this time and this family.
This time last year I had no idea what God had in store for us. I didn't understand the drama we would go through to get this baby here. I didn't know how overwhelmed I would feel trying to take care of a baby while chasing two toddlers. I didn't know just how many times I'd have to say, "be gentle. Be Gentle. BE GENTLE." (And yes, telling your children to "be gentle" doesn't exactly work if you are yelling.)
But even now, knowing what I know, I wouldn't change it for the world. If I had it to do over, I choose this little boy. Every. Single. Time.
All three of those exhausting little children.