In fact, I'm frequently stop myself from saying the things I really think and feel for fear that people will judge our situation unfairly. If I confess that I am overwhelmed and lonely and tired of working constantly, I'm afraid everyone will look at our family and assume that having three kids close together really was a bad idea.
And I can't blame them for that. Sometimes I think having three kids close together was a bad idea.
It's hard to admit because in all honestly 90% of the time I absolutely love my life. Even when I feel tired, I know that this is a season and the lessons I'm learning now will make great blog posts one day. (You know if I ever have time to write...)
But those times of doubt do come, and that's when I need this reminder. Because when I see this precious little boy and one truth sticks out above the rest.
I would miss him.
We could have waited. We could have tried to space our children out more. We could have simply chosen to only have two. We could have done a lot of things.
But then he wouldn't be here. Sure we might have had another baby one day, but that baby wouldn't have been my sweet Little Bear. I would never have known the joy of that sweet grin or those soft baby hands. This child is uniquely created by God for this time and this family.
This time last year I had no idea what God had in store for us. I didn't understand the drama we would go through to get this baby here. I didn't know how overwhelmed I would feel trying to take care of a baby while chasing two toddlers. I didn't know just how many times I'd have to say, "be gentle. Be Gentle. BE GENTLE." (And yes, telling your children to "be gentle" doesn't exactly work if you are yelling.)
But even now, knowing what I know, I wouldn't change it for the world. If I had it to do over, I choose this little boy. Every. Single. Time.
All three of those exhausting little children.
I so hear you, Katherine. This third trimester of mine is so hard and I'm not well at all...and I feel almost ashamed telling people when they ask, or not wanting to accept their help, because I fear they're thinking, "Well, that's what happens when you have babies close in age". I have to keep reminding myself that *God* put this baby in my womb and there was nothing that could stop Him. My baby girl's life has been written in the Book of Life since the beginning of time. I keep reminding myself that truth when it gets tough and it re-excites my heart and gives me courage to share.
ReplyDeleteYes, yes yes! Just because it's hard doesn't mean it's not good. I have to remind myself that it doesn't have to be easy to be a blessing.
DeleteYes, yes yes! Just because it's hard doesn't mean it's not good. I have to remind myself that it doesn't have to be easy to be a blessing.
DeleteI love how real you are in this post. I can't imagine having three so close so I already think you are super mom! Keep up the good work mama!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteOh, I have been there!! And you're right, we would miss these sweet little blessings. I became pregnant for my third baby when my second was only 9 months old and my oldest was 2, almost 3. And God works so much in these babies. I'm so glad he surprised me with another!
ReplyDeleteBest surprise ever! :)
DeleteI'm on the verge of tears. We've contemplated not having more kids after our third, and fourth, and now after #7, but I look at each and everyone of them and think, what if we had stopped? We would have missed out on these blessings and that makes my heart break and that's why I can't say we won't have anymore.
ReplyDeleteIt's so easy to get stuck in the day to day and not see the big picture; and it's so easy to let our selfish nature rear it's ugly head. I have to be so intentional to die to myself everyday and to enjoy every moment - the laughter and the tears.
I love you dear friend! You are an amazing mom and I'm so blessed by your friendship!