Little Bear's Birth Story {Part 2}

This is a long story, so I've chosen to share it in two parts to make the story more manageable. I've kept it all mostly nice and family friendly, but it is a birth story...so expect a little mess.

This is part two. You can read part one here. 

Saturday

5:30 am- At 5:30 am Saturday morning, we started Pitocin again. The biggest problem we had Friday was that the Baby J's head simply wasn't engaged. With no pressure on my cervix, we didn't make much progress. However, starting Saturday, the baby's head was much lower (really good news!). I started feeling the contractions almost immediately, although like Friday they were really only uncomfortable.

And yet, I didn't start the day with much confidence. I honestly wasn't sure what to think. I found myself starting day 2 humbled and unsure. While the doctor was certain we could successfully induce labor, I found myself praying constantly that the Lord would intervene.

7:30 am- More ice chips and more Pitocin. Have I mentioned the ice chips? The best part of being in the hospital is free ice chips (and considering that's all I was going to be allowed to have for the next 48 hours it's good that I enjoy them so much).  At this point I was still dilated to 5 cm, but was "much stretchier" whatever that means.

8:30 am- This is the point where things started getting worrisome. The monitor started to show baby's heart rate going down so the nurse came in and had me lay on my side. However, once I was on my side his heart rate shot back up and she seemed to think it was some kind of fluke. Plus, laying on my side made the now painful contractions much more manageable.

9:00 am- I called in the nurse because I thought my water had broken. I told her I felt fluid leaking, and she was excited with me! Going on our second day of what the L&D nurses thought were unbearable amounts of Pitocin, they were all ready to see me have a baby! We were ready to be making some progress. 

However when she went to double check that it was my water,  her expression changed. She left the room and called another nurse. I assumed she needed help to change the pad under me. The head RN came in and told me it looked like blood not my water. They immediately turned off the Pitocin, and told me they would be back soon. I still wasn't too worried. I knew bleeding was normal as your cervix changed. 

Less than five mins later a doctor and resident came into the room to check me. She let them change the pad under me and that's when I realized something was really wrong. We weren't dealing with a small cervix change. There was a lot of blood.

The doctor was good to answer our questions, but as she and the nurse pulled off to the side and started whispering I knew things weren't going well. The doctor presented the dilemma to us this way. The bleeding was concerning, but because baby seemed to be doing okay she wasn't sure where it could be coming from. She wanted to consider a c-section just in case. I asked if an ultrasound would be helpful in determine where the blood was coming from and she agreed that it might and told the nurse to order one.

However we never got as far as an ultrasound. 10 mins later I was still bleeding consistently and the doctor said we didn't need to wait. It was time to take the baby.

(I found out later I lost almost enough blood to require a blood transfusion. My hemoglobin numbers on Sunday were on the line; however, because I wasn't too dizzy the doctor didn't require one.) 

The nurses moved quickly. At the time the doctor didn't seem like she was in a great hurry but as they prepped me and I continued to bleed she quietly started rushing them. She smiled and said things were fine, but putting the small pieces together later it was more evident that we were in a hurry. Several times I heard nurses asking questions and her quiet response was, "Just go," or "I'll do without".

They had my husband prep for surgery too, but at the last minute the doctor decided not to wait for an epidural. It wasn't until they said Evan wasn't coming with me that I really lost it. I was crying and contracting and stressing out only just a little bit. Looking back at the moment, I was so concerned that I wasn't going to have the delivery I wanted. I wasn't convinced even then that a c-section was necessary. I didn't feel that bad! It didn't even occur to me that maybe this was actually best for baby. 

They wheeled me to the OR and strapped me to the table. I could feel them prepping my belly and knew the doctor wasn't wasting anytime. At one point  the anesthesiologist said,, "Wait! I'm not ready yet." Talk about a terrible moment. I'm strapped down, wide awake, still having intense contractions, and someone has a scalpel inches away from cutting me open. They put me out hard and fast after that.

(They told me later that I spit up right as I was going under and aspirated. Only important to me because it means I've had to cough for a week and am in too much pain to care.)

10:00 am- My husband said it was about 15-20 minutes after I was wheeled back to the OR that they brought Little Bear out to see him. Safe, healthy, and very loud. 

They wheeled me back to my room an hour later still unconscious. They made my husband and my mom leave the room as they got me situated back in the hospital bed. I started coming around as they moved me, but couldn't talk or open my eyes so I just moaned. My husband said it was the longest 5 mins of his life waiting in the hallway hearing me in pain and not having any idea what was going on. 

The next few hours are a blur. They said I came in and out of consciousness and slowly regained my ability to speak. My first clear memory is saying my husband's name and feeling him at my side. It took all my mental ability to get that one word out, but at least someone was listening to me!

Sometime after lunch I was able to sit up a bit, but I couldn't hold the room still. I was incredibly dizzy. My only concern was for the baby. You always here of the importance of that first hour after birth. Moms should nurse baby right away and have skin to skin contact. And here we were 4 hours later and I hadn't seen baby. I was so scared he wouldn't nurse and our relationship would be ruined! (I may or may not have been rational...) 

At one point that afternoon I was able to hold him, but I was too dizzy to nurse still. 

I remember trying to Facebook a few friends at 5pm and having to literally hold my head still just to type the message. That whole afternoon and evening is just a blur. Lots of sleeping, crying, and sleeping.

5:30 pm- According to the Facebook message I posted, I had nursed Little Bear by this point. I honestly don't remember it at all! Have I mentioned things were pretty much a blur?

That following night was long and painful. Lots of pain medicine, nurses in and out, blood draws and of course finally getting out of bed. I was an emotional wreck, my husband kept reminding me I was tired, but I couldn't stop going over the day in my head. What did we do wrong? Why did God let this happen? What about having more kids?

I was so thankful to have Little Bear here and healthy. But after laboring for 14 hours or so I felt so cheated out of having a vaginal birth. I had prepped myself emotionally and physically and now...everything felt wrong and of course, I felt guilty for not just being happy and grateful. There were definitely those happy moments, but honestly, this birth just didn't feel like my first two. The euphoria of a new baby was somehow tainted by the very, very unpleasant circumstances (and massive amounts of pain).  

Sunday

They say a new day brings a new perspective and in many ways it's true. We talked to the doctor in more detail Sunday morning about what exactly happened the day before. I'd heard it all explained already, but I wanted to hear it again with fresh ears the next day. 

She'd sent my placenta to the pathology lab, but her best guess was that the placenta had partially ruptured and started bleeding out. She said she saw some calcification on the placenta which can happen when you are two weeks overdue. Basically, Little Bear had over stayed his welcome, and my placenta had just started getting old. My body couldn't handle the stress of the long labor, and so I'd started bleeding  I asked what would have happened if we hadn't done the c section. That question looming over my head, "Did we really do the right thing?"

"We could have lost him." Little Bear's stats were fine as they prepped me for surgery but looking back at the monitors she noticed a few times when he'd started showing signs of distress. I continued to have contractions even as they wheeled me to the OR, and if the placenta had completely ruptured those precious minutes it took them to get me into surgery would have been minutes without oxygen for our Little Bear.

It's funny how hearing those words can really change your perspective. All of the rush, the stress, the quick decisions were worth it. I may have felt distressed but our little guy never knew it.

The rest of Sunday and Monday were spent resting, moving, and begging for food. I may have had a traumatic experience, but I was still hungry! Oh and let's not forget the most annoying series of shots in my hips! Ouch! Let's just say some nurses are better at shots than others...

Monday morning they let us go home. We were in the hospital from Friday at 5 am to Monday at 10 am. It was a long weekend but praise the Lord well worth the trouble.

I think in many ways this experience really wised me up about pregnancy, labor, and delivery. All of my pregnancies have been very easy. My labors were short and delivery was practically pleasant (thanks to that epidural!). I guess I never fully understood the verse in Genesis when God curses Eve. 

Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children. {Gen 3:16 KJV}

But now I get it. Having babies isn't a walk in the park. It's not something we should undertake lightly. Because of sin there are times when our bodies won't work right, and sadly it doesn't always have a happy ending. 

So today I am so thankful. Thankful for the three precious children I have. Thankful that Little Bear's birth story, as crazy as it seems to me, never had either of us in any real danger. We ended with a safe, healthy, and happy mom and baby. What a Blessing!