One or Twenty: How Many Kids Should You Have?

Today I want to "get real" with you. Sometimes I come to the blogger table with meekness and patience, finely sculpting the words I want to share. Other days I come to the table with a sword and a shield, ready to fight for something really important.

Today is one of those days. 

Recently I read a comment on another blog that sparked my fire. The commenter simply stated that she often felt judged by mothers of large families because she and her husband only had two children.  They wanted more but God deemed their quiver full with two. She wondered if she was a less of a mother because she didn't have a van full of kids to love and care for. My heart broke for her, and I realize she is not alone.

However, it's not only mothers of "small families" that are judged in our society. Read any "large family" blog and you'll inevitably find a post about insensitive Christians making judgmental comments on their family size.

So I am here today to clear the air once and for all (well, at least I can try!).

It's no secret that my husband and I want a large family. We would welcome another baby, even if it's sooner than some would deem convenient. 

However, having more children will not make me more of a mother.

And while we're at it let me say that suffering through difficult pregnancies doesn't prove that someone is a better Christian and having an unmedicated home birth does not make little blessings more blessed!

My worth as a mother and as a Christian is not found in the bedroom or the delivery room. It's not determined by whether I choose to have many children or just a few.

Whether you have 1 child or 19, you are a mother blessed by God to care for and teach the next generation. And it's time we start taking this job seriously. 

There is a trend in our culture for woman to view children as a hindrance to their own personal happiness. This line of thinking affects all of us to some degree. Even good Christian mothers can fall into the trap of complaining about their kids, viewing them as a nuisance and an inconvenience. 

And while I believe the number of kids you have is insignificant, your attitude about them isn't. 

Mothers, I am here to tell you that we aren't supposed to get angry. We aren't permitted to yell, mock, or argue with our kids. We aren't permitted to gossip about them or talk negatively about them no matter how old they are. And I have a host of scriptures to prove it. 

Do we do these things? Yes.
 Should we? Not if we truly desire to love and value our children like God does. 

I often see mothers struggling with whether it's God's will for them to have another child. They wrestle with the decision to use birth control or not. Do they rely on their own God-given wisdom in planning their family or to yield themselves completely to God's timing? We've struggled with this ourselves. I've researched family planning options enough to know how difficult this decision can be!

However, I believe that if we truly see our children as a blessing and not an inconvenience, if we seek to put our desires in line with God's will, if we base our decisions on His word and not in vain worldly thinking, we will make the right decision every time. 

But our decisions may be very different from one another, and that's okay. The kingdom of heaven isn't about eating or drinking. It isn't about family planing or epidurals or home births. It's about righteousness and joy and peace. 

It's about respecting each other, even in our differences. 

It's about encouraging each other, whether we have one child or many. 

It's about loving others the way God loves us,

Including our children. 

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.  1 Corinthians 10:4-8

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