Laundry and Loving Your Husband


When we were first married I naturally took over the task of laundry lady. It was only right really. Who could expect a reformed bachelor to remember which frilly top was dry clean only/line dry only/cold water only/wash inside out and upside down while standing on one leg only. It's kind of ridiculous.

(Now-a-days I only have two kinds of tops, those with spit-up stains and those without, and they all get washed in the same load.)

Each week I'd dutifully sort, wash, dry, and fold the clothes. I would put my clothes away while leaving my husband's clothes in nice neat stacks on the end of the bed for him to put away when he got the chance. He rarely got the chance. It's not that he's lazy or sloppy or anything like that! He just didn't think to stop and put his clothes away. Most often they got moved to the top of the dresser or the floor when we were getting ready for bed at night.  It was slightly annoying.

Of course, I could have just put them away for him (I knew where he kept his socks), but I didn't. It just wasn't fair. They were his clothes. I'd taken the time to wash them. The least he could do was put them away!

Then one day as I was folding clothes and resenting my role of housewife/cleaning lady, I had a come to Jesus moment.

God created me to be my husband's helper, and I was pretty lousy at it. Sure, I dutifully cooked, cleaned, and laughed at all his jokes, but in my heart, I still held on to the idea that marriage was supposed to be fair. I thought that we should serve each other equally, and subconsciously, I was keeping score, trying to keep things even.

Now let me tell you, this is a disastrous was of thinking. It's downright dangerous! If we are looking for our marriages to be fair, then we are inevitably going to be discontented and frustrated. No matter how well we balance the scales of work and service, there are days, weeks, maybe even years where the work load just isn't going to be fair.

This is particularly true when it comes to having kids. Let's face it. There is nothing fair about carrying a baby for 9 months, suffering through 12+ hours of labor, and then having to get up at night to nurse while my husband sleeps peacefully by!  It's just not fair, and it never will be!

But then again my husband could say the same thing. I wear PJ's all day, watch Veggie Tales whenever I want to, and get to take an afternoon nap all while he goes out to make a living and support my ice cream habit.  That doesn't seem fair either.

But what happens in a marriage when we let go of trying to keep things fair? What happens when we stop thinking about what we deserve and instead start thinking about how we can bless and serve each other? 

Well I'll tell you. Love happens. Joy happens. Peace happens.  Those things that makes a marriage last happen.

When we let go of our pride and embrace our calling as a help meet, we'll find ourselves ever so slowly becoming a little more like Jesus, more like the one who gave up fairness when he came to earth and sacrificed himself to clean up our mess. 

Who knew being a wife was such a noble calling? 

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. 
The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.
Proverbs 31:10-12


  1. This topic has been in my mind lately as well. Who cares if I do all the laundry and cleaning and he does the goofing off....I was created to make his life easier and I actually enjoy doing things for him!

  2. Oh my gosh.... i love this and needed to read it in this way. Love the way it is worded. Something about viewing it as a noble cause rather that a unfairness just instantly changes the view.

    Once again.. thank you for a great post!

  3. I came across your blog from a link up and really needed this today! thank you for sharing!!


  4. Oh this is SO good. Life in general isn't really fair. If God was "fair," we would get what we deserved--eternal death. But we don't. He loved us unconditionally, setting an example for us as to how we're to love each other. And his love enables us to love.

    Thank you for this great reminder!! :)

  5. I've been doing a study on marriage recently with some friends and a topic that keeps being repeated is the need for a wife to focus on herself...instead of focusing on her husband. Oh how easy it is to focus on his faults! But often it's the rehearsal of slight inconveniences in our minds that cause marriage stress. God will hold us as wives accountable for our own actions.

    Thanks for this reminder today!

  6. I found you on Mommy Moments--I love this post. We've been talking about marriage at church lately, and this goes along perfectly. Thanks :)


  7. Oh my, yes, funny how the mundane things in life bring out the deeper truths. It's a sneaky troublemaker, trying to "equalize" things in the marriage partnership. Thanks for sharing!

  8. I still struggle with this! My husband will put his clothes away himself, but he doesn't do it the way I set it up for him. It has taken me a long time to let things like this go. I really am a control freak, but I'm trying to be a recovering control freak. :) Marriage certainly is a learning process, and for some of us it takes longer to learn a lesson than others, I guess.

  9. I remember having this revelation myself several years ago. Mine was that he would drop his clothes where he took them off and never put them in the hamper. I would get so mad inside. It finally hit me one day that I was NOT his mother-it was not my responsibility to "train" him to put his clothes in the hamper. It was my responsibility to be his helper. And than when I think of the 10,000 ways he helps me (most without) me even knowing about, it just doesn't seem like such a big deal to pick up those clothes.

  10. Beautiful words. I love how you put it. It's "fair" but in different ways. Different, but equal. I just recently started staying home more after having a more traditional job outside the home, and my husband was amazed at the change in my attitude. I did all the cooking and cleaning and I felt like I had the TIME to do it all! And he was happy because when he came home I was able to get him dinner, and just spend time relaxing with him, rather than being crabby and trying to get everything cleaned. He works hard everyday to provide. That was his part. :-)

  11. Excellent advice! It is so easy to keep score. Thank you for linking up these wonderful words.

  12. As a soon to be newlywed who is starting to think about how chores will be divided, this is exactly what I needed to hear. Very encouraging!

  13. It's like you've been IN my home. This is something I still struggle with. Thank you so much for the encouragement.

  14. awesome........just awesome! !!!!!! Great reminder and encouragement.

  15. Thanks for this. I needed to hear it. :)



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...