One Long Sleepless Night at a Time


There are worse things in life than being tired. I honestly can’t think of what they are right now, but maybe that’s because I’m too exhausted to think much of anything at the moment.  

I’d love to tell you that Teacup is an easy baby and we are all well-rested, but that would be an outright lie. We are NOT well-rested, and there is no such thing as an easy baby!

Today in particular I am feeling the effects of late night feedings and no sleep. As I pulled myself out of bed sometime around noon, I marveled at the fact that despite being in bed for 12 hours I’d slept less than 5 of them.

Looking in the mirror at my pale complexion and the dark circles under my eyes, I just gave in to the negativity and doubt. Why is this so hard? What am I doing wrong? Why don’t I just quit nursing? Why doesn’t the baby just sleep at night? Why does my life have to revolve around a baby? Why, why, why?!?!

After a few minutes of the self-indulgent pity I started to pull myself together. I don’t have the luxury of actually falling apart. Someone needs to fix lunch and start a load of laundry. After a few calming breaths I began reminding myself of all those good, true things that get me through the day. Things like:

You love these kids.
They make you laugh way more than they make you cry.
God will never give you more than you can handle.
There is chocolate on top of the fridge.
And you won’t be tired forever.

That’s when it hit me. I won’t be tired forever.

I’ve been through this valley before and made it through just fine. This is just a season in life, and it will pass. Good nights will come again, nights when I get more than 2 hours of sleep at a time, nights when no one wakes up crying, wanting to eat or be held.

In that moment, standing in front of the mirror and having a heart-to-heart with Jesus, I realized that my tiredness was simply a mask for a deeper problem: impatience. 

I know this trying time in life will pass. God has proven himself faithful before, and he will do it again. I’m not going to waste away from lack of sleep. In fact, I could function on less. Eventually, those blessed nights of rest will come…

I just don’t want to wait for them. I’m simply impatient.

As I humbly stood there with dirty hair and pajamas covered in spit up, I confessed my sin before an Almighty God and did the one thing a good Christian should never do.  I prayed for patience.

Patience to get me through these hard days and long nights.
Patience to smile, sing, and laugh when I feel like crying.
Patience to love my little ones when I desperately want a break.
Patience to wait on God’s timing and his sweet provision of rest.

Sadly enough, my prayer wasn’t answered with way I hoped it would be. In that moment I wasn’t endowed with supernatural strength or miraculous peace and contentment. In fact, I still felt tired, grumpy, and very much in need of a shower, but that’s just how God works sometimes.  He makes us walk through the refining fires to make us stronger, more pure, and more patient. 

So instead of giving in to the doubt and despair that come from being tired and frustrated, I will choose to be joyful and give thanks to the Lord for his many blessings. Patience will eventually come…one long, sleepless night at a time.


  1. Oh, I hear you and completely empathize. I've been there all too recently and will likely be there for a long time. The problem for me is that when I'm tired and don't get the rest I need, I'm cranky and no good for my kids. But God is merciful and good, and He blesses me with rest times here and there. I just have to say no to the dishes and take them when they present themselves.

    You aren't alone :)

    Blessings to you! I am a new follower from Proverbs 31 Thursdays.


  2. So true! With this being my third baby I have the knowledge that this is truly a passing phase. Although it is difficult to keep that perspective in the midst of long nights! :-)

    I started this morning in the exact same mindset as you...I needed God's help to live today one moment at a time. I'm choosing not to think about the hours that are left in the day or how much I can get done before the next nursing and I'm seeking (with God's help) to live in this moment.

    God gives grace and strength for this moment. And later today when I'm even more tired He'll give me the grace and strength I need at that moment.

  3. Oh, sweet Katherine, just hang in there. You're absolutely right though, you've been there before and you already know you're strong enough to handle the task in which God has entrusted you. All the sleepless nights are definitely worth it.

  4. I'm right there with you! My sweet Kaleigh is up every 2 hours at night and leaves me exhausted during the day too! Praying for strength for you...and you're right, it won't last forever! Thank you for your honesty and encouragement!

  5. Oh, I needed to hear this today. Running on little sleep, doing minimal housework, eating and showering on a pretty unpredictable schedule, seemingly endless nursing and diaper changes - it is so much! I have been so tempted to just switch to formula for my own convenience. Reaching the 4 week mark and praying that God helps provide the strength to keep my frustration at a minimum and my joy and productivity at a maximum!

  6. Wow. Thanks for an amazing post! This took me son is 11 months old and I lived these nights/days! He still isn't a great sleeper...but I LOVE what you said! "I won't be tired forever"! I already feel like I miss those first months. They taught me a great deal of love and thankfulness. God bless you and your cutie!

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  7. Dear Katherine
    Happy to find you at Mindy's and nice to meet you. This is me first totally empty nest year, but I can still remember THOSE nights. I suffer from Fm/CFS and know what exhaustion is. I am so glad to read your outlook on patience, for after all, the world won't stop turning if we are not always well rested, or our houses is not the neatest, etc....! This to has come to pass!
    Much love

  8. Katherine this is a precious post. I have been there many many times over as I raised seven children. You do end up getting more sleep...and patience does end up getting learned as each day goes by and the lessons are learned along with failure over and over. I am so much different than I was twenty years ago. God has been faithful and my children have taught me many precious lessons. I really liked how you summed up this post. Thank you for sharing.

  9. I have spent the last 30 minutes reading through your blog and can relate to pretty much all of your post, minus a kid. You put into words what my heart feels so much ESPECIALLY about impatience and the refining fire. I far too often get frustrated that my prayers do not instantly fix a situation. It is nice to hear I am not the only one.

    So looking forward to reading more!

    1. Thanks Alexis! I'm glad you were able to relate. It definitely helps to know you're not alone. Thanks for stopping by!



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