36 Weeks: I Believe; Help My Unbelief!


Only 4 weeks left! 29 days to be exact. I can't tell you how excited I am that we are less than a month away from meeting our sweet Teacup. 

I've definitely hit the uncomfortable mark in this pregnancy, but then you would be uncomfortable too if you were as big as a Christmas tree (in all fairness, we do have a rather small tree...)! I'm just really glad that Rooster doesn't fit in my belly anymore. Now that would be unpleasant!  

Really I have very little to complain about. Sure those kicks that were once so sweet have become slightly painful, and that cute pregnancy belly has become very, very cumbersome. However, overall I'd say this whole growing a baby things is a walk in the park! 

...At least physically. Emotionally things haven't been so easy.  Recently, I've struggled with fear and bad dreams. Thoughts like, "what if someone kidnaps my son and tortures him while I'm standing by helpless?" or "what if my husband is in an accident with a chain saw and calls me on his death bed, the shock of which sends me into preterm labor and no one comes to take me to the hospital?"

Yeah, kinda crazy, right? 

Of course, I also think about things like "what if our Teacup isn't completely healthy" or "what if we have a difficult delivery?". Or the biggest one of all, "what if I can't handle the pain of nursing another baby?"

(Pause to go find the Klennex.)

So what's a girl to do in the midst of all these fear and worry? Prayer seems like the obvious answer, but just between you and me, prayer doesn't offer much comfort these days because I know God doesn't always give us what we want. 

I know He always gives us what's best, but sometimes His best comes in the form of heartache and pain. In scripture we see God using barrenness, famine, and death to show His glory and reveal Himself to His people. He promises that all things work together for our good, but sometimes that good is painful. 

I know I should be okay with that. I know that I should embrace those blessings! 

Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted. 
Count it all joy when you face trails of various kinds! 
Be content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. 

But late at night when I'm lying awake overrun by worry, I really don't want those blessings! I want life to be easy, happy, and free from sorrow and strife!

I'm reminded of the man in the gospel of Mark who cries out to Jesus, "I believe; help my unbelief!"

I know God is gracious and full of loving compassion for His children. I know he is watching over us, and His plan and purpose for our life is perfect. I just have a hard time accepting that His plan isn't my plan and His way isn't my way

So while I go into this next month believing that God will take care of us, that He will provide for us, and have mercy on our family, I can't help but cry in my heart, "Oh Lord, I believe; but help my unbelief!"


  1. Oh, I so feel for you. In my life, God has three times given things to me that were, literally, my worst fears. It was gutting in so many ways to see those fears materialise in what I had dreaded most in my heart. But, in all three things, though the pain can be beyond what you can bear, and you feel betrayed by God etc...on the otherside, I can promise you, you'll be okay. It seems a contradiction, but it's true. He is our sovereign good God, and I couldn't say that with all truthfulness if He hadn't brought my worst fears to life. I will pray for you though, that He would strengthen and encourage you to keep going - even though, most likely, everything will be fine! Many, many blessings!

  2. Perfect Love casts out all fear...you and your baby are loved with a perfect love! BLESSINGS NICOLE

  3. I had many of those issues just a few months ago when I was preggo with my little girl. I feel your pain!!!! what a beautiful reminder of trusting in God though.

    praying for you! not too much longer now <3

  4. You summed up my thoughts and feelings perfectly! I'm almost 38 weeks with our third. While I'm so excited to meet this newest blessing and I know God's plan for labor, delivery and postpartum are His perfect will I too have to continually yield my will to His. It's an exercise in trust!

  5. Our church uses that phrase frequently and I spent a LOT of time contemplating those words, "I believe; help me in my unbelief." Now it is one of my calming, go-to expressions when I am struggling most. It has become one of my favorite verses, even though I am not always sure I fully understand it! I saw you put them on the Deep Roots at Home link up and clicked over to see how you use it in your life! Good luck with your upcoming l&d - you'll ace the "test", I'm sure!

  6. Thank you for this encouragement :] SO thankful that we have a God who is merciful to take care of us even through our unbelief! Found you via My Joy Filled Pregnancy... praying for you in your last few weeks!! Blessings~

  7. One of the ways I deal with fear is to remind myself that God will give me His strength to deal with it- it may not be easy, but even if everything in this world was taken away I would still have HIM! He has been the one constant through the changes and struggles I have and has brought me out of each secure in His love. (and I think most of us have run those scenarios through our heads- ok, maybe not the kidnapping and torturing, but others equally ridiculous!) I had the same dream during a couple pregnancies that I had given birth to a kitten- talk about crushing disappointment! ;)

  8. I could have written this myself...except for the crazy bad dreams! I too am pretty much miserable with my pregnancy. I never remember getting to that point with the first two. My doubt and unbelief lately have been almost more than I can bare. I, too, know that God's word says "all things work together for those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose" but I also know His ways and His timing aren't mine, therefore His good may not be exactly what I want. Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone in this journey.

    P.S. Rather than looking like you're as big as a Christmas tree, you look great....really. :)

  9. Thank you for this post...it is an encouraging post though you are sharing your deepest fears. The Lord will uphold you in his mighty arms. He will be there through whatever your life brings. And mine too. Someone told me today that I needed to rest in Jesus. You do too :-) or your will be overtaken by your worries. They are very real...but so is God and he cares for you.

    Thanks for linking up with me this past week over at WholeHearted Home.



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