32 Weeks: A Different Kind of Pregnancy Update

I'm 32 weeks pregnant which means in 8 short weeks (let's be honest...maybe 9) I'll have a another newborn in my house, and she will need her mother constantly. It was only 13 months ago that I brought Rooster home, so I remember all too well the overwhelming tiredness and constant 2 hour feedings. I know that the freedom I enjoy now (limited though it is) is coming to an end...soon.

It makes me want to run. I desperately desire my husband to come home one day with flowers and say "Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away!" I want to hole myself up in a cabin somewhere with nothing to do but relax and enjoy the fact that I am just not needed. 

It's been forever since I truly felt free. For the past 13 months I have been at the beck and call of one very cute (and demanding) little boy. Of course, I often get a break. Thanks to my wonderful husband and loving church family, I frequently have some time to myself during the day. I usually use the time to clean, work, or prepare meals, those things which are often much easier to do without little hands to help.

And in 2 months there will be another baby to care for. Another mouth to feed. Another 13 months of of constantly being needed. 

Sometimes I wonder if I can do it. 

I have no doubt that God has given us this new child, this little blessing.

Reuben was only 5 months old when we begun praying for another child. I know it sounds crazy, but I was ready. When we would pray as a family I would always ask that the Lord would give us another child in His time, but in my heart, I would always add the "soon" part. I loved having Rooster, but in my heart I knew there was another child waiting for us. 

I thought I was expecting for a couple weeks before we ever got a positive pregnancy test. I was emotional and just felt...well, pregnant, but the test kept coming up negative (I went through several boxes of pregnancy tests). I knew it was unlikely for us to be expecting again so soon, so I did my best to just move on.

Then one evening when I was praying, I felt a still small voice. It was a sudden assurance, a confidence that I was expecting another child. I just knew. I remember the feeling of blessing. God heard me and answered my prayer. 

*At this point I should go ahead and tell you I'm not crazy. This kind of thing has never really happened to me until now.  And yes, I did have to go the store to buy another test, just one! I had to have something to show my husband. 

I remember feeling so excited, so happy. Now, I just feel tired. 

Tired of backaches and sore feet. Tired of temper tantrums and whining. Tired of constantly washing diapers. Tired of the same old routine, day in and day out. Tired of balancing the budget and planning meals and laundry. Just tired.

But that's okay. Because even when I am exhausted and overwhelmed, I still have plenty of Joy. 

Joy in watching my husband chase Rooster around the house.
Joy in singing while I make apple butter and fold laundry.
Joy in reading to a restless little one.
Joy in being kicked in the ribs by a growing baby.
Joy in welcoming my husband home from work with open arms.

Joy in the Lord, for His provision and His many blessings. Joy in answered prayer. 

And I've learned in my 13 month tenure as a mother that it's okay for Joy to be tired. It's okay for her to feel overwhelmed, scarred, and out of place. Joy doesn't have to be perfect.

She just has to be thankful. Thankful that God's strength is made perfect in her weakness and that even in the most exhausting season of life there is always time for a nap (Right...?!?!).

One very tired and very happy momma!