Nervous Mommy Syndrome

Tomorrow I'm going to a ladies conference with some women from my church, and I'm leaving my sweet Kangaroo alone with my husband...all day. And of course, I'm not nervous. Not even in the least little bit. I am slightly nauseous and a little bit on edge, but I am definitely not nervous.

What?!?! You're leaving?

Do you believe me? You shouldn't. The truth is I've got that new-mommy-about-to-leave-her-baby-alone-for -longer-than-a-couple-hours syndrome. Sure, I've left Rooster before with babysitters and with our parents, but usually it's just between feedings, and I've never been more than 30 mins away. However, tomorrow I'll be leaving my sweet baby for a full day. We'll be gone almost 11.5 hours. I've pumped bottles and made baby food for the past two weeks. I've washed diapers, burp rags, and baby clothes. I should be ready to go, but I'm not.

Who need laundry? Let's go naked!

I'm not sure why I'm so nervous. Evan is an excellent father. He cares for Roo almost as much as I do. Evan is experienced in putting him to sleep, feeding him baby food, changing his diapers. He really does do it all! 

But I'm still nervous. The truth is I just don't want to leave. Everyone I talk to says that this will be good for me. Every mom needs a day away from her kids to take a break and relax, right?  Well not this mom. The idea of going a whole day without being with my little one absolutely breaks my hearts (oh yeah, this is the part of the post where I start crying...). Sure, Rooster will miss me. Mostly right around nap time when he won't be able to nurse and lay in bed giggling with mommy, but he'll be okay. I'm sure his daddy won't mind laying in bed and giggling just this once!

Sweet Dreams!

However, I'm the one who is going to have a problem tomorrow. I'm going to miss my little guy (and the big one truth be told). I'm going to miss his little hands grabbing my nose when I hold him. I'm going to miss his sweet cooing when he wakes up from his naps. I'm going to miss the way he pulls at my shirt when he knows it's time to eat. I'm going to miss him.

Want. More. Peas.

I guess this is what it means to be a mom. I know many women struggle with finding their place in this world. Society tells us we have to be somebody, do something great, and make a name for ourselves.  For some people the pressure to find their calling and their purpose, leaves them feeling empty and unfulfilled.  Well, not me. I know what I was created for. My place is at home, my calling is motherhood, and my purpose is to glorify God in my daily duty of feeding babies and changing diapers. It's not all that glamorous, some days it's just downright gross, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I don't want to be anywhere else but home.