"It just seems like I can't grow up fast enough. I'm a sophomore in college, but I still feel like I kid sometimes. I guess to some people I am a kid, but in my heart I am very much grown-up. I am 20 years old, and I can't wait to fall in love. I know I probably have 5-10 years left before I get married, but I still wish I knew him. I wish I had that special someone. I'm just so tired of being alone. I want him to come in God's time, I just wish God's time was now!"
This isn't all of the entry of course. I go on to talk about all the boys I had crushes on, and wondered what kind of husbands they would be. However, I'll spare you those details, because some parts of a girl's journal are quite private and interesting to nobody but herself.
What stands out about this entry is that I can remember writing it. I remember it was a beautiful day, and my roommate had gone out to meet with a boy she liked (who would one day be her husband!). I also remember feeling oh-so-very lonely. It had been years since a guy had shown any real interest in me, and I was starting to wonder if maybe God had forgotten about me. I remember very clearly that longing in my heart to have somebody (anybody!) to call my own.
What I didn't know was that God had every intention of fulfilling my hearts desires. I just had to wait. Exactly two years after writing this journal entry Evan proposed, and now, 5 years later, I am loved by the most amazing husband and a darling little boy.
It’s a blessing beyond what I could have prayed for. It's so much more than I wanted, but then again, God always know what we need. It makes me wonder what plans God has for me in the next 5 years. I have hopes and desires for the future. I know what I want to see accomplished in my life, and sometimes I get impatient wondering if God will grant these petitions, or if maybe he has something different in mind.
I felt that same impatience with God when we were expecting our son. The last week of my pregnancy I prayed earnestly, unceasingly that God will send our little boy. I was so ready to hold him in my arms and to see his little face. I remember asking God why we were still waiting, and every time I would get this feeling in my stomach that reminded me that it just wasn't time (of course, that could have been the baby kicking). But oh, how I hated waiting! I knew that our baby would come eventually, in God's time, but those last few weeks of pregnancy felt like an eternity!
But then again, sometimes it takes God an eternity to answer our prayers. Some prayers don't have a neat resolution or a happy ending. There are some things that weigh heavy our hearts, things that we are continually taking before God in prayer. Prayers for health, prayers for justice, prayers for peace and deliverance. Prayers that won't be answered until we are standing in the presence of Jesus, washed in the light of heaven, perfect and sinless.
Until then I am left with this, two things I know which are absolutely true: We have a God who is able to do more than we can ever ask or imagine, and He is a God who hears and answers our prayers.