"It just seems like I can't grow up fast enough. I'm a sophomore in college, but I still feel like I kid sometimes. I guess to some people I am a kid, but in my heart I am very much grown-up. I am 20 years old, and I can't wait to fall in love. I know I probably have 5-10 years left before I get married, but I still wish I knew him. I wish I had that special someone. I'm just so tired of being alone. I want him to come in God's time, I just wish God's time was now!"
This isn't all of the entry of course. I go on to talk about
all the boys I had crushes on, and wondered what kind of husbands they would
be. However, I'll spare you those details,
because some parts of a girl's journal are quite private and interesting to
nobody but herself.
What stands out about this entry is that I can remember
writing it. I remember it was a beautiful day, and my roommate had gone out to
meet with a boy she liked (who would one day be her husband!). I also remember feeling
oh-so-very lonely. It had been years since a guy had shown any real interest in
me, and I was starting to wonder if maybe God had forgotten about me. I
remember very clearly that longing in my heart to have somebody (anybody!) to
call my own.
What I didn't know was that God had every intention of
fulfilling my hearts desires. I just had to wait. Exactly two years after
writing this journal entry Evan proposed, and now, 5 years later, I am loved by
the most amazing husband and a darling little boy.
It’s a blessing beyond what I could have prayed for. It's so
much more than I wanted, but then again, God always know what we need. It makes
me wonder what plans God has for me in the next 5 years. I have hopes and
desires for the future. I know what I want to see accomplished in my life, and sometimes
I get impatient wondering if God will grant these petitions, or if maybe he
has something different in mind.
I felt that same impatience with God when we were expecting our son. The last week of my pregnancy I prayed earnestly, unceasingly that God
will send our little boy. I was so ready to hold him in my arms and to see his
little face. I remember asking God why we were still waiting, and every time I
would get this feeling in my stomach that reminded me that it just wasn't time
(of course, that could have been the baby kicking). But oh, how I hated
waiting! I knew that our baby would come eventually, in God's time, but those
last few weeks of pregnancy felt like an eternity!
But then again, sometimes it takes God an eternity to answer
our prayers. Some prayers don't have a neat resolution or a happy ending. There
are some things that weigh heavy our hearts, things that we are continually
taking before God in prayer. Prayers for health, prayers for justice, prayers
for peace and deliverance. Prayers that won't be answered until we are standing
in the presence of Jesus, washed in the light of heaven, perfect and sinless.
Until then I am left with this, two things I know which are absolutely
true: We have a God who is able to do more than we can ever ask or imagine, and
He is a God who hears and answers our prayers.
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