I hate abortion. I hate murder. I hate lying and stealing. I hate Satan for convincing the world that they can live without Jesus. I hate that Hitler killed the Jews, the sick, and the less fortunate. I hate genocide and infanticide. I hate sin!
Except when it's my own life.
Today I watched the 180 video. In the video Ray Comfort compares the Holocaust and the extermination of the Jews to the abortion epidemic in our country. If you've never considered the fact that abortion is our own American Holocaust, I recommend this video. However, it's not for the faint of heart. I cried. When I see things like this my instincts are to fight, but what can I do?
This is what I laid before God. What can I possibly do?!?! Society says I can protest, write letters, vote, volunteer, but that doesn't seem like enough. I understand that the law in our country is just the surface of the problem. I want preserve life now. I want to bring hope to the hurting now!
So I prayed. I did what I always do when my emotions are turned upside down: I took my Bible and my journal, and I spent some time with Jesus.
I was looking for comfort. I wanted God to reach down into my life and tell me what to do. I wanted him to give me an action plan for fighting sin and suffering. I wanted to partner with Him to root out evil. I want to stop abortion!
Instead, he quietly convicted me of my sin. You see, I am part of the problem.
I've never had an abortion. I've never been faced with the choice of ending my child's life. But I have made selfish decisions. I have been self-seeking. I have put my own desires above the lives of others. I have murdered my brother in my heart. I have hated other people. I am a sinner. I am part of the problem! I have failed to tells others about the love of God. I've failed to speak the Truth. I've excused sin in my life as being "not that bad," while condemning others for sins I have committed.
It's amazing how this realization can take you down a notch. Suddenly my hate for those who do evil turned into a cry for mercy. Mercy for those who abort unnamed babies! Mercy for those who murder their neighbors! Mercy for those who stand by while millions are sent to the gas chamber! Mercy for sinners! Mercy for me...
Mercy. Not getting what we deserve. Not everyone receives mercy. Those who die without accepting Christ will not know his love and mercy on judgement day.
That is what should break my heart. Instead, I live my life, sheltered from evil, protected by the walls of a loving Christian home. I worry more about temporary things than eternal things. I worry about what we will wear. I worry about what others think of me. I worry about if we'll have enough money for things we don't need in the first place!
I don't worry about sin. I don't think about our enemy the devil, roaming around like a roaring lion. I don't concern myself with the fact that Satan is ready to devour the world, and that he would gladly start with me. I would rather shut my eyes to my own selfishness, my own sin. But how can I ever make a difference in the world around me, if I don't take the time to root out sin in my own life?
I guess God did answer my prayer. I asked him to show me how to preserve life and help those who are hurting. I asked him to show me what to do.
This is what he said:
"He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?" Micah 6:8
Seek justice for those who are suffering.
Love mercy, even for those who murder and hate the things of God.
Walk humbly, recognizing that I am a sinner. I need forgiveness. I need a Savior.
It's not exactly what I was hoping for, but it's a start.