Big Dreams

I still remember the day when I finally realized I would never be a figure skater.

Growing up sports didn’t interest me much, but figure skating was the exception. I never thought of skaters as athletes; they were performers. I loved the beautiful costumes, the fun music, and most of all the standing ovations at the end. I always imagined going out on the ice, giving the performance of my life, and having adoring fans clap and sing my praises while throwing flowers at me.  I could almost feel the Gold Medal around my neck!

It wasn’t until High School that I finally realized that I was too old to start figure skating. In fact, I’m pretty sure I flushed my Olympic career down the toilet at the age of 5 when I quit gymnastics because I didn’t want to miss Story Hour at the local library. Couple that with the fact that I’ve never donned a pair of ice skates, and it’s pretty clear that my dreams of a Gold Medal were just that, dreams. 

Once my delusional ideas of being an Olympian were laid to rest, I jumped from one career choice to another. In college I went from wanting to be teacher, to being a counselor, to being a lawyer, to being completely lost and confused! I felt like I was constantly at a crossroad in life and just kept wasting time making u-turns!

It’s just that when my 2^nd grade teacher told me I could be anything I wanted to be, I thought she meant I could be everything I wanted to be (delusional or not!). It’s a minor distinction with big consequences. I’ve spent most of my life pursuing multiple careers, hobbies, and goals, and I’ve always been disappointed because I just can’t do everything.

At some point, I had to choose which direction to go, which path to follow, which dreams to pursue.

I choose Motherhood. It doesn’t have the same ring to it as “Gold Medalist”, but I’m okay with that. If you had asked me in high school or even college if I could see myself as a stay-at-home mom, I would have given you a resounding NO! I’ve always loved kids, but I worked too hard getting straight A’s not to put that education to good use. 

But then something amazing happened: I met this little boy.

He has the sweetest smile, and the cutest little giggle God ever created.  And he needs me. He needs me home to rock him to sleep, to play with him, to change his diapers, and to keep him safe. It wasn’t until I became a parent that I really understood the magnitude of what it means to raise a child.  This little life depends on me to love him, to nurture him, and disciple him. All of my big dreams and career goals pale in comparison to the calling of motherhood. 

So no, I won’t be winning a gold medal anytime soon, and I probably won’t be out in the business world making a name for myself either. Instead, you’ll find me at home loving my husband and caring for my son. And really, what could be better than a life of relative obscurity, changing dirty diapers and wiping little noses?

Nothing. Absolutely Nothing.